The Aviator Chronicles

Aviators: the epitome of cool.
Remember the 1980's?
Top Gun. Knight Rider. The A-Team. Miami Vice.
The lead characters in all these shows, that played so big a part in making us the men we are today, were very different.
Be they maverick pilots, future beach rangers, four men arrested for a crime they didn't commit or someone more moustache than man; they all had one thing in common: their coolness was accentuated by Aviator Sunglasses.

Is this Tom Seleck or the J-man? I can never tell the difference. They should be forced to wear name badges.

(Tom Seleck) (The J-man)

The "Cool Enhancing" (© Aviators2002) effect of Aviators is clear. Consider my younger brother:

Look how cool he is.
By carefully combining the three things that scientists have discovered contribute to "coolness" (Aviators, a Pipe, and my Executive leather chair with built in Massager); the girls will be all over him like the J-man at a drinks promotion.

(The Ice-Man shows how Aviators make leering even more attractive than it already is).

Aviator Shades: Separating the Fact from the Fiction

1) Aviator shades make you popular: Fact.
Take a look at this picture as evidence. Three of the pilots are laughing, smiling and bantering away whilst one is left on his own and ignored.
I don't think you need me to point out what the three popular guys have in common:

2) Aviator shades offer better protection than a motorcycle helmet: Fact.
As this picture clearly shows, not only can motorcycles be ridden with Aviators replacing a helmet; the weight saved apparently allows you to keep up with Jet Fighters.
An added bonus is that scientists recently showed that motorcyclists who discarded their helmets in favour of Aviators were, on average, "67.9% More Awesome" than their helmet wearing peers...

3) Aviators make you less attractive to the opposite sex: Fiction.
Whoever propagated this lie should be maimed.
Just look at this demonstration that we have prepared. The photos below show the same man; with and without Aviators.
I think the results speak for themselves:

(You can't argue with science, folks).

4) Yeah, that's all very well; but 1980's sunglasses are hardly going to be a hit with the ladies, are they? Fiction, fiction, bloody fiction!!!!
The chicks love 'em.
Ladies: imagine you saw these two guys on a night out, sipping on their cocktails and gazing across the room at you through those big, big tinted lenses.
Look at the J-man.

Awesome.
You are intrigued: those shades; they look so shit, but yet at the same time so cool... it's almost like you're a moth attracted to a flame...

In the unlikely event that the ladies do manage to resist the allure of the King of Shades, there is always the prospect of hiring a Lap Dancer:

(The Kolonel, loving it).

5) Aviators hamper your ability to drink: Fiction.
Aviators do not in any way hamper your ability to drink.
As the following photos of DOV in action clearly demonstrate, Aviators make drinking even cooler than it already is:

(DOV horrifies onlookers at recent Wine Tasting party).

The sheer diversity of Aviators is amazing.
Lusty shows us how one man can look so different simply by the way he accesorises around his aviators:

(Lusty the West Belfast Hard-Man....) (Lusty the East London Pearly-Queen)

Of course, Aviators were originally designed for the use by Fighter Pilots

However, none of us really looked like pilots (see above pic) when we put the shades on. Except, of course, for the Mighty Q.
The Mighty Q looked so much like a fighter pilot it was scary.
We decked him out in leather jacket and Aviators to give you an idea of how the King of Shades should really be used:

("Stand to attention Lieutenant Q!
That plane cost the tax payer $30million dollars, and your hot-dogging fly-boy antics just destroyed it trying to impress those schoolgirls!!
What the hell have you got to say for yourself!?!?)

(Mighty Q: "Son, have you any idea who I am..?)