Black Smoke over Rome as Big Phil runs for Pope!
(Outside the Vatican, yesterday) (The late Pope JPII: a closet White Russian fan)
Rome, Italy – Angry scenes and rioting occurred today, as it emerged that not only had resident WhiteRussianOnline doctor and womaniser, Big Phil, outlived Pope John Paul II, he was planning on running as his replacement.
(More tyres and diesel are added to blacken the smoke, as the Vatican refuses Big Phil’s proposal)
Ladbrooks had Big Phil on odds-on to be dead by 1984, but he has defied medical knowledge by continuing on his crusade of smoking and drinking. Experts are baffled.
(Big Phil: raging after dropping his fag into his booze)
In a statement, Big Phil bragged to baffled journalists:
“I’d make a superb Pope, goddammit, I love dressing up as much as the next man. I have several funny hats myself. And just like old Pope, I hate contraception too…”, Big Phil paused to tug at his crotch and wink suggestively at a startled female reporter from the Christian Herald, “… I ALWAYS shag au naturele, baby”.
(One of Big Phil’s campaign leaders, pictured forcing the dove of peace to “suck on a nice fag” before release)
Despite heady opposition, Big Phil remains optimistic about his chances of becoming the next pontiff.
One thing is for sure: He has WhiteRussianOnlines vote.
(Big Phil in talks with a new “Business Associate”, yesterday).
-Article by DOV
