How to pick up Guys in Night Clubs
Contrary to public opinion, it’s just as awkward for girls to pick up men in night clubs, as it is for men to pick up girls. Nevertheless, this guide aims to relieve some of the anxiety experienced by girls in this delicate task, by providing them with inside information on how every man expects his dream woman to pursue him in a bar, courtesy of The J-Man.
Getting Started:
This is probably the most important factor in ensuring you get the man of your dreams. There are no marks for dressing conservatively. The key is to wear as little as possible. Remember, no boobs and no legs attracts a conservative man with inherited parental neuroses.
Even Mr Q couldn’t say "no" to this chick.
Getting Drunk:
Unlike fellas, the sky is the limit. Drink until you’re unconscious of your scantily clad body. Fellas love to see a girl out, on a girls’ night out, necking the shots. The key is to position yourself near two blokes having a quiet social drink. Don’t worry about the occasional boob falling out - an adventurous man is already weighing up the odds.
J-Man (left) and DOV (right), adventurous men, weighing up the odds
Body Language:
Woman always fail at body language. Substandard magazines recommend "catch the glinting eye of your man from across the room and then look away", "don't make it too obvious, play hard to get", "occasionally toss your hair while eyeing up your intended prey". PLEASE!!!! Does anyone really expect this to work? They key is to be obvious. Blatantly obvious. Do you really think a semi-blitzed man, on a boys’ night out, will think to himself "that conservatively dressed female showing no flesh is trying to make eye contact with me. I should go over and waste three hours trying to chat her up, and forget ducking Devo under a tap". The following is what I recommend.
Fall over your chair backwards - flash those legs.
Drop your keys on the floor - flash those boobs.
Bump into the guy next to you - stroke that chest.
But remember, always, always giggle.
He's curious already girls!!!
Introductory Line:
Girls never initiate contact, so a simple "Hi" will suffice in the unlikely event of starting a conversation.
Small Talk:
Girls always manage to say the wrong thing, so here's a few tips on what not to say to your night in shining armour:
- I'm just out of a long term relationship
- Actually, my boyfriend is in prison at the moment, but he doesn't mind.
- (Silence)
- (From your friend when you leave to go the loo) You be careful with my
friend Sarah. Sarah and are like that (crossing her fingers). If you hurt her,
I'll beat the crap out of you…..(and on!!!!!) [Actually, this statement
doesn't put men off at all. In fact, it's almost cute.]
Now that you've managed to avoid scaring him away, lets try reeling him
in:
- Deb's thinks I'm a slapper because I sleep with men on the first night. I'm not a slapper. Do you think I'm a slapper?
- I'm so shy around men. I just don't know when they're interested in me.
- You're a bad boy. Go to my room!
Waking Up!
Oh no, he's awake. I've no make-up. My face, my face is gone. Can't let him see my face. Only one solution…I'll give him my number, and not bother taking his. I'll just assume he'll call and spend ages waiting by the phone, rather than asking him outright - too shy, too shy. But maybe he will call, maybe:
But what if he doesn't call. Maybe he'll hate me…..
RELAX!!!! In no time at all, your friends will convince you he must have been gay. Hell, you might even believe it.
A true sailor boy.
