This weeks news : 2002-05-27 by DOV

This weeks news: 27/5/02

Now ending his 4th year as a Student, the J-man this week happily reported that drink had had "No effect whatsoever" on him in this time.
"I'm in better shape now than I was at 19", he added to shocked reporters.

WhiteRussianOnline appoint first female staff writer after claims of sexism from visitors to the site.
"Yeah, she's a real asset to the team and WHERE THE FUCK IS MY TEA!?!", bellowed the Kolonel after being asked for a comment.

The Kolonel went on to empty the tea over the floor, claiming that he "didn't like the way it was looking at him".

(The Kolonel: "Put 8 sugars in it, then throw it out and make another cup because its NOT SWEET ENOUGH!")



An unusual picket occoured outside the WhiteRussianOnline offices this morning. Apparently it comes after news that JR, girlfriend of DOV's, is organising another barbeque at Cranfield Caravan Park.

Those of you that were there last time may recall that the quantity of meat products cooked at the event resulted in the extinction of approximately 74% of the Earths animal population.
JR was unavailable for comment this morning, since she was cooking DOV yet another steak to "Keep him going between his morning fry and his lunch". Viewers may be unsurprised to note that lunch did, in fact, turn out to be another steak.

(A cow spots JR, and lights up a final cigarrette).

Scientists have estimated that if JR continues to have an average of 2 Cranfield BBQ's per year, the domestic cow will be extinct by 2004.

-This weeks news brought to you by DOV